Thursday, November 22, 2007

Tis the Season To Be Careful

Tomorrow is Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, which marks the first official shopping day of the Holiday Season. Most people have the day off, unless you work retail or if you are a thief. Criminals never get a holiday and this is their busy season. I have a few tips to help you avoid being an easy mark for thieves.

  1. Be aware of your surroundings. Keep your packages and belongings with you at all times. Before you get in or out of your car, scan the parking lot to check to see if you are being watched or followed. Walk to your destination quickly and confidently. Avoid looking like a "mark"
  2. If you carry a purse, use one that zips shut and with a strap that can be worn across your body. Try to minimize the amount of plastic and currency that you carry.
  3. Use a credit card and avoid debit cards where you need to key in your code. Make sure the person behind you is not close enough to read your card numbers.
  4. Keep your receipts in a safe place, separate from your purchases, in case your shopping bags are stolen.
  5. Keep track of your bank account activities by frequently checking online for any unaccounted activity.
  6. Have a list of credit cards and phone numbers to call and cancel cards if your purse or wallet is stolen.
I know first hand how easy it is to become a victim. This happened to me four years ago in early November. My car was broken into during prime-time for drop-off at a child care center. I was dropping off my youngest child and left my other two children who were 5 and 7 years old at the time in a locked car to save time. I was parked in the front row, parents were coming and going. I was only gone for a few minutes.

As I was racing back to my car, I saw a car full of people speeding away and one of my children waving frantically to me. As I ran to my car, I saw my other child crying and shattered glass everywhere!

I knew that there had been some car break-ins during odd times in the afternoon but never dreamed that this could be done during such a busy time. I had felt that if I was leaving my kids in a car, I could leave my purse. (and no, I did not leave the keys in the ignition! The keys were with me. I was asked that a lot. ) There was a parking lot full of people and no one saw anything. No one, except my poor kids!

The window was popped with a screw driver that was expertly jammed into the corner of the driver's side window. The window quietly shattered into a million tiny pieces. The parents coming and going did not notice the man leaning over the car window and the man with the screwdriver did not care about the children in the car. He only cared about my purse stuck under the passenger seat which he quickly grabbed.

Thankfully no one was hurt and I learned a big, painful lesson that day. In addition to the broken car window, I was left with an identity theft mess that took quite awhile to clear up.
It is amazing how much damage can be done with stolen checkbooks and credit cards! Even though my husband was still at home and was able to start calling my banks immediately, it took a few hours to get the credit cards shut down. The checking accounts took longer.

While I was getting my window fixed, I spent my time on the phone tracking activity. First the thieves went to a few gas stations and bought gas and cigarettes. Then onto the cellphone store for pre-paid cellphones. Then trips to several branches of my bank to cash other people's stolen checks, against my account.

Then onto several grocery stores and department stores. I was able to locate security camera footage at several of these places for the police and found that at least three different "crack whores" were using my ID.

An officer that I was in frequent contact with, ID'd the first thief from the gas station footage by her street name. Her last known address was a street corner.

It was at that point I decided I also needed a "street name". I became "Bad Momma"!

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Antidote for Holiday Hell

Recipe for Disaster
1 bunch of relatives
1 pinch of unresolved issues
a cooler of "adult" beverages
sharp utensils such as carving knives
1 small dining room
seating chart ( optional )


As your guests arrive, take their coats and casually toss them on a couch or bed in your designated "coat room". Hand each adult guest a beer, glass of wine or alcoholic beverage of their choice.Carefully seat your guests near the person most likely to irritate them. Throw in more "adult beverages".Wait until guests are sufficiently marinated and bring up an unresolved issue or touchy subject. Make sure the table is full of sharp objects such as carving knives and hot dishes.

Have a phone nearby and be ready to dial 911!

Thanksgiving is one of the busiest times for Emergency Rooms across the U.S.

Something about putting a bunch of people that are related, together in close quarters with a bunch of cutlery and bottles (or cans ) of "truth serum". Unresolved issues seem to surface and before you know it - hand to hand combat breaks out. It's always fun until someone gets hurt!

I have a few helpful tips to avert disaster. Remember, just like fire needs oxygen to keep burning, drama needs fuel to keep it going! Observe from a distance, avoid getting drawn in. Be prepared with some distractions. Distraction is the best weapon when tempers start to flare-up at family get-togethers. A little preperation can save much aggrevation!

Antidote for Holiday Hell

1 bunch of Celebrity Gossip Magazines
A television tuned to the latest football game
Several plates of appetizers
Everybody's favorite desserts
1 handful of shiny objects
A back-up dinner, in case of a cooking mishap

Family gossip usually starts the drama machine. As soon as the haughty whispering starts, direct the attention to the latest issue of People, US Weekly or the Star that is conveniently nearby. It is better to gossip about someone you don't know than those in the same house.

"Did you hear the latest about__________? ( fill in the blank with your favorite celeb )"

When the men-folk start to misbehave, turn your t.v. to a football game.

"Oh look! The game's on!"

The hypnotic lure of the idiot tube usually keeps 'em in line. Just make sure there are plenty of "cold ones" and snacks for commercial time.

Food is a great silencer. When mouths are full, it is hard to argue. Strategically placed plates of pre-dinner snack foods are a necessity at family gatherings.

Shiny objects are also a useful distraction for both men and children.

Make sure you have a back-up dinner in case of a kitchen mishap. Food disasters are a great source of tension.

Dessert is the crown jewel of a good meal. The threat of not serving it due to ill-mannered guests helps keep everyone in line.

A good sense of humor is also really helpful. Look on the bright side, if there is drama, it gives you something to talk about. Perhaps start a contest with your friends to see who can have the most disastrous holiday. This is one contest where everyone wins!

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Making Santa P.C.

OH NO! Say it isn't so! Is Santa another misogynistic male? Apparently controversy over his use of the " Ho, Ho, Ho " greeting has broken out in Australia.

The furore erupted after recruitment company Westaff suggested its Santas swap 'ho, ho, ho' for 'ha, ha, ha' because the traditional term could be viewed as derogatory towards women and could frighten young children.
http://www.goldcoast.com.au/article/2007/11/16/4970_gold-coast-feature.html

Perhaps Santa is in need of a total update to make him more "politically correct". First get him on a diet. With all that extra weight, Santa is a walking billboard for Heart Disease. Put him on a season of " The Biggest Loser ".

How about a haircut next? What's he hiding behind all that hair? He could be mistaken for a terrorist or bank robber. Rush him to the set of Bravo's Shear Genius for a new 'do.

Finally let's get Santa some new duds. I bet Heidi Klum would be glad to have Santa as a guest-challenge on her Project Runway which is also conveniently on the Bravo campus.

When we are done with Santa, move on to Don Imus for a badly needed make-over!

Saturday, November 3, 2007

Holy Halloween, Batman!


As usual this Halloween, I stayed home to hand out candy ( microwave popcorn ) while my husband took my boys trick-or-treating. This year my middle child was sick and had to stay home with me. His brothers took an extra bag to collect candy for him but it wasn't the same.

My poor sick child took me up on my suggestion to dress up in his Harry Potter costume and stand behind me as I greeted the Trick-or-Treaters that came to our door. We didn't get very many "guests" and he ended up passed out on the couch.

My 10 year old put a do-rag around his head, borrowed a red cape from an old Superman costume and carried his trusty sword to go as a "Swordsman". My 6 year old wore a Batman costume that was handed down from his brothers.

After a few years of practice, my little Batman had a plan of attack. He found the shortest route between houses, even if this meant cutting though flowerbeds and bushes, to get to the next house. He would rush to the door, pushing in front of all the other children and quickly ring the doorbell.
As soon as he got his treats, he would scamper off to the next stop.

A four year old neighbor, dressed as a skeleton observed this technique and turned to his mother.
" That kid knows what he is doing! I'm going with him!" he exclaimed as he took off running.
" Wait up Batman! Wait-up, wait-up!"

His mother's protest fell on deaf ears. " Honey, I think he is too fast for you." At this point the boys were about five houses ahead of their respective groups.

Sorry Robin, it looks like Batman has a new sidekick.